what does your guy's sex style say about him?

Some guys are shy, some are forward and they all like something a little different between the sheets. Tapping into your man’s unique “sex style” can take sex from nice to something he'll be blushing about for weeks. Tammy Nelson, psychotherapist and author of Getting the Sex You Want: Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together shares some of the most common types, while Los Angeles-based sex therapist Christine Milrod advises on how to please each one.

The Transcendent Style
Always searching for that existential moment, he wants his partner to take him to another plane of consciousness. This guy doesn’t just want sex, he wants it to have him. Sound like a tall order? If you can fill it, he’ll reward you with eye-gazing, an introduction to tantric sex, synchronized breathing and loads of groovy spiritual energy.

Expert Sex Tip: Try this tantric trick: Put his penis in your vagina and then lay perfectly still. “This way you get into it very slowly and you can focus on the feeling,” says Nelson. “Or what I call the MSC -- maximum skin contact.”

the super-intimate style

No intimacy issues here -- emotions for men with this style are a turn-on. This guy needs to be emotionally focused during sex in order to have a fully satisfying erotic experience. He prioritizes satisfying his partner, and likes to cuddle afterwards, to boot.

Expert Sex Tip: Cowgirl -- you should be on top, and in charge. “Then, you can collapse on his post-orgasmic body and cuddle him, ” says Nelson.

porn star style

Every guy would like to have this style, but only a few actively try to pull it off. Nothing turns him on more than thinking that he can act out all the fantasy moves that porn stars can do.

Expert Sex Tip: Make him feel as though he’s got an audience -- allow him to ejaculate on your stomach or give you a “pearl necklace.” He likes to see all the fruits of his labor… on you. You can go the extra mile and “totally shave your kitty,” says Milrod, or taking it all off down there. And if you’re willing to take advantage of sexy time, try anal sex, she adds.

the cerebral style

This man is in his head before, during and sometimes after sex. He fantasizes about other women, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you, his real-life partner. The key with this brainy type is to relax his mind and let his imagination stimulate arousal.

Expert Sex Tip: “Massage him with oils, give him a head massage,” says Milrod. “Throw him in the bathtub, and get in with him. The more they stay wound up and in their heads, they more they won’t want to have sex.”

the auditory style

He likes to hear your fantasies spoken out load, but the sounds don’t have to be verbal. This man loves the sounds of sex: the moans, the sighs, the whispers and shouts.

Expert Sex Tip: Make up a story where two people don’t know each other,” says Milrod. “And let your imagination run wild.” With X-rated scenarios, of course.

the anxious style

Repression, anyone? There’s baggage here, and it can keep the anxious man from jumping into sex headfirst. Maybe someone hurt him in the past or he’s just got low self-esteem? If so, it may be hard for him to act out on his fantasies and let go.

Expert Sex Tip: So get in bed with your PJs on, says Milrod. Cuddle and tell yourself you’re not going to be naughty, then get into a place where you’re tender and relaxed and can feel each other up.

the reciprocal style

Give him what he needs and return the favor in spades, but he’s keeping score all the while. This guy wants sex that is fair.

Expert Sex Tip: “The obvious choice is to 69,” says Nelson. “That’s what equal opportunists do.”

the experimental style

He likes new things, new ideas, and he reads up on new positions and new ways of having sex, but they bore easily. This style tries anything and everything at least once, and if they like it they do it again.

Expert Sex Tip: “Use toys on him,” says Milford. Or if you’re comfortable, “massage his prostate.” (But make sure you ask him first!) You can use a condom or your finger; just remember to use plenty of lube.

the wild style

He likes it wild and he likes it edgy. He wants kinky and out there sex, and likes to be challenging his own erotic style as well as yours. He will try anything new that pushes his boundaries and doesn’t have a lot of fear or shame about sex.

Expert Sex Tip: “Tie him to the bedpost and take charge, be the dominatrix,” says Milrod. Blindfold him, too, to up the eroticism.

the plain-spoken style

Instead of reaching out to in the dark in bed, he’ll just say, as you’re brushing your teeth, “Wanna fool around?” He’s not high on romance, and you’ll rarely be caught guessing. There are no dropped hints or innuendo with this style, if he wants it, he’ll ask.

Expert Sex Tip: “Show him there’s nothing wrong with romance by surprising him with sexy lingerie,” says Milrod. “Then he’ll be caught guessing.” And when he says that -- tackle him and do it on the bathroom floor!

the impulsive style

Talk about going from zero to 60 -- Mr. Impulse can have sex anywhere, anytime. He sees you and he wants it. He thinks about it and he wants it. This can feel annoying -- like you’re dating a horny 17-year-old boy -- but it can feel totally hot! If he wants you, he’ll take you, whether it’s on the kitchen table, in the bathroom, in the backyard or in his office.

Expert Sex Tip: “Go to the movies, sit in the way back and make out,” says Milrod. “Then go home and finish it off in the car -- pull it into the garage if you must. But start it in the theater, when he least expects it.”

the coy style

This guy plays more hard to get than Scarlet O’Hara. He might pretend he’s not interested and wait for you to make a move, then act reluctant when really, he wants it the whole time. Not that he’s a game-player, but he can enjoy the chase… you chasing him.

Expert Sex Tip: “Just chase him in a way that’s exciting,” says Milrod. “Put a pair of your panties in his pocket or laptop case, set the tone for what you want to do to him.”

the out-of-nowhere alpha male style

Sometimes -- not every day -- you’ll find a Clark Kent type who by day is all gosh-golly and self-deprecation, but get him in the bedroom and he’s Superman.

Expert Sex Tip: “Play along -- you can be his damsel in distress,” says Milrod.

the visual style

This guy needs a lot of teasing with the eyes first -- he likes to either watch porn, or better yet, watch you undress. Be prepared to have sex with the lights on.

Expert Sex Tip: “Film yourself with your little Flip or your iPhone -- then watch it and get hot and bothered all over again,” says Milrod. “Become the star of your own porn movie.”

18 Body Language Clues That Say He's Interested -- Definitely

It's nerve-wracking isn't it? No matter where you meet a guy -- at a bar, a friend's house or even church -- the facts remain: You have to wonder what he's thinking and whether he really likes you. But did you know that men are pre-programmed to send out physical clues when they're interested in a woman? Read this excerpt of Superflirt by Tracey Cox and learn how to read any guy's body language with ease.

Legend has it that men make the first move, then plead, cajole, wine, dine and basically bribe (via chocolates, flowers and dinner dates) women into their bachelor pads to either a) have their wicked way or b) get down on bended knee. Women -- sweet, passive, delicate little flowers that we are -- start out strong by defying his attentions, until sheer persistence breaks down our resistance and we agree to...a sherry. Meanwhile, we fill our days by reading romance novels and peering from behind closed curtains, on the watch for knights on big white stallions.

What a load of crap. Women have always made the first move and orchestrated the pace, flow and direction of romantic relationships. Masters of intuition and emotional manipulation, adept at body language, able to gauge the emotional temperature of a room quicker than our nipples stiffen in a breeze, you can bet on it that if he's on his way over, armed with courage and a pickup line, you were the one who lured him.

Women choose from no less than 52 moves to show men they're interested. The average man chooses from a maximum of 10 to attract a female. Good news then, that the average female is usually very good at deciphering body language. Just in case you're not, I've included the obvious, along with signals that are more subtle, secretive and (occasionally) downright loony.

He'll serve you an eyebrow flash. When we first see someone we're attracted to, our eyebrows rise and fall. If they like us back, they raise their eyebrows. The whole thing lasts about a fifth of a second and it happens everywhere in the world -- to everyone regardless of age, race, or class. Lifting our brows pulls the eyes open and allows more light to reflect off the surface, making them look bright, large and inviting. A flash might be easy to miss but they're so reliable, if you do spot one, you may know someone likes you before they've even registered it themselves. Deliberately extend it for up to one second and you've drastically upped the chances of him getting the message you're interested.

His lips part. If he likes what he sees, his lips will automatically part for a moment when your eyes first lock.

His nostrils flare and his face generally "opens". The raised brows, parted lips, flaring nostrils and wide eyes give the whole face a friendly "open" expression.

He'll try to attract your attention. For some men, this might mean a subtle tie adjustment along with a silent prayer that you'll notice the flash of movement. Others turn into Bippo the Clown and become so loud and boisterous, they're practically juggling and doing handstands. Any exaggerated movement or gesture usually means he's trying to stand out from the group. Another giveaway: he'll unconsciously detach from his friends by standing slightly apart, hoping to be seen as an individual.

He'll stroke his tie or smooth a lapel. We all know what these preening gestures mean. They're the equivalent of the female lip lick -- "I want to look good for you."

He'll smooth or mess up his hair. Which gestures he chooses depends on his hairstyle and what's going to make it look more flattering. Guys do this involuntarily and more often than you think. Glance back next time you trot off to the restroom and I bet his hands will be on their way to touching his hair.

His eyebrows remain slightly raised while you're talking. A slightly surprised, quizzical expression means he finds you fascinating. Or completely nuts. Quite frankly, either are preferable to a man who looks at you with a smooth, relaxed brow and eyes. That one simply finds you boring.

He'll fiddle with his socks and pull them up. In the old days, men only dressed up on special occasions, and while the suit might have survived months in mothballs, the socks invariably continued to get worn (to death). Hence, why he spent half the night pulling them up, in an attempt to look the part. It's an extension of preening and it's astonishingly accurate. If a guy pulls up or adjusts his socks in your presence, it's an almost 100 percent sign he's interested and trying to look his best.

Everything is erect. Ahem. What I mean is he'll stand with all his muscles pulled tight, to show his body off to best advantage. He'll also stand directly in front of you to show full attention and lean forward to get closer.

He'll let you see him checking out your body. Some experts call it "visual voyaging" -- his eyes take a little cruise around your body, stopping momentarily at the prettiest ports. Don't kid yourself: he scanned your body automatically the second he laid eyes on you. The difference here is that he's letting you see him do it. The message: I'm considering you as a sexual partner.

He'll spread his legs while sitting opposite, to give you a crotch display. He's letting you have a good look at what's on offer. Hopefully, he still has his jeans or pants on at the time.

He'll stand with hands on hips. This accentuates his physical size and suggests body confidence. It's also a pointing gesture. We point with our hands at our own best sexual assets and also at the parts of our body where we'd most like to be touched. If he spends the night with his hands on his hips, fingers splayed and pointing downward, he's willing you to look, touch and admire the part he's proudest of. All subconscious, of course. Well, it is in most cases...

He'll play with the buttons on his jacket, buttoning and unbuttoning it. It's a displacement activity (fiddling) because you've made him a little nervous, plus an unconscious desire to remove his clothes. The next stage is to push the jacket open and hold it there by putting his hands on his hips. If he takes it off completely, he's imagining his shoes under your bed.

He'll touch his face a lot, while looking at you. If he's interested, he'll stroke his cheek up and down with the back of his fingers, touch his ears, or rub his chin. It's a combination of nervous excitement, preening and autoerotic touching. When we're attracted to someone, our skin (most noticeably our lips and mouth) become increasingly sensitive to touch and other stimulation. If you smoke, you'll take more drags on your cigarette. If you're drinking, you'll take more sips. You start touching your own mouth more because your lips are ultra sensitive and it feels good. Plus, it plants the idea in the other person's mind that it could be a good idea to kiss you.

He'll start squeezing his glass or can or roll it from side to side, slightly squeezing it as he does so. When men are sexually interested, they start playing with circular objects. Why? They remind him of your breasts: his body is "leaking" what's happening in his subconscious mind.

He'll perch on the edge of his seat to get closer. And if he crosses his legs, the top leg will point in your direction.

He'll guide you by putting his arm on your elbow or in the small of your back. The arm guide isn't just good manners and a polite way of guiding you through a crowd; he's making sure he knows exactly where you're going by taking you there. He doesn't want to lose you! It also shows you're being "taken care of" so no other men need volunteer. Along with the arm guide, there'll be lots of accidentally-on-purpose touches.

He'll lend you his coat or sweater. Few guys would be happy to return from the bar to find their girlfriend's evening dress covered by another guy's jacket. Never mind if her teeth were chattering from life-threatening hypothermia. He wants it to be his jacket because it's a protective, sexy, ownership gesture. It says "what's mine is yours," something that's been close to their skin is now close to yours (and vice versa when you give it back). It smelled of him to begin with; it'll smell of you when you return it. Plus, it links you: he has to hang around to get it back.

How to Win Dates and Influence Women

In Dale Carnegie’s best-selling 1936 classicHow to Win Friends and Influence People,his top tips included things like “Smile” and “Become genuinely interested in other people.” Carnegie’s recommendations were so straightforward they seemed obvious, but the book was hugely successful because it was intuitive. People just needed a reminder that sometimes the simplest things get the best results.

Dating in 2011, 75 years later, we need a reminder that meeting women is supposed to be simple. Both sexes are overwhelmed by complicated rulesand tactics that don’t help anyway. But here’s the secret. Women are dying for men to do what men do best—provide clarity and direction to the mess of modern dating.

If you want to stand out from other men and get a better response fromwomen, don’t do what every other guy is doing. Don’t wait for her to approach you. Don’t text her to ask her out. Don’t use a neg or a pick-up line. Use your natural instincts and the manly moves that have worked for the past 100 years.

If Carnegie wrote a dating guide for 2011, it’d read something like this three-step plan to win dates and influence women. 

1. Approach Women

Take responsibility for approaching the women that you want to meet. Modern technology has caused men to lose touch with their natural inclination to initiate conversation, and the main complaint from women is that men don’t approach them often enough. Get comfortable smiling at women. Don’t worry about the ones who don’t smile back.

As for the ones who do smile back, no games or tricks are needed for follow up. All you need is a simple introduction. The key to any conversation is “state and ask.“  Make a statement and then ask a question. This will prevent you from talking about yourself too much, while also engaging her attention. Talk about anything that brought you together at the moment: the park, grocery store, coffee shop, whatever.  If the idea of starting a conversation with a stranger is intimidating, take note of Carnegie’s advice about talking to people.

“Remember that the man that you are talking to is a hundred times more interested in himself and his wants than he is in you and your problems. His toothache means more to him than a famine in China that kills a million people. A boil on his neck interests him more than forty earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time that you start a conversation.” 

2. Don’t Text, Call

Call her. This is how you build connection. Do not set up a date by texting. Technology interferes with real connection because it causes the initial chemistry to flat line. Instead, build the attraction by letting her hear your voice. Research shows a deep voice is basically an advertisement of testosterone, and women have significantly more attraction when there are high testosterone cues. So drop your voice an octave and drop that cue.

Having a man call makes a woman feel important. Carnegie says it best: “When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion… creatures motivated by pride and vanity.” If you can make her feel special by taking the time to call and set up the date, you’ll set yourself apart.

On that first phone call, keep it short. Remember, there is a purpose to everything you do. Approach to get her phone number, get her number to set up date, go on a date to get to know her, get to know her to, well, you know. Don’t make the mistake of spending too much time on the phone at first. Let her get to know you in person.

3. Be the Man With the Plan

“Don’t be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs,” Carnegie wrote. “Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.”

Men don’t realize how much women desire traditional chivalry and a plan. Nor do they realize how powerful it is in developing attraction. Have a plan of when you are available to see her and what you would like to do.

This is how a confident man separates himself from all the other men. Stand out and go for what you want.  Women find it sexy when a man has a purpose.  As you start to meet and date women, have purpose, direction and a plan in everything you do, and you will have more dates than you could ever imagine. And Mr. Carnegie will be mighty proud.

Eight Signs a Woman Wants You

That beauty sitting next to you at the bar let you buy her a drink, laughed at your jokes and, wait, did she just brush your knee? She may be flirting—and maybe not. Because women are raised to be polite, guys sometimes mistake friendliness for flirtation, says Bree Maresca-Kramer, M.A., relationship expert and author of It’s That Simple! For Men. “We weren’t taught how to get out of an uncomfortablesituation, so we’ll just try to be nice.”

But that can backfire when a woman really is interested. “Often women think that they’re giving clear signals, and if the man’s not responding, they take it as a rejection,” she explains. “He’s just not aware, and they both walk away unfulfilled.” To clear up the confusion, here are eight signs a woman wants you.

1. She’s primping
Maybe it goes back to our primal instincts to present ourselves in a way that attracts the best mate, but if she’s doing things such as smoothing her blouse, playing with her hair or adjusting her posture, she’s into you. “Most of the time she’s not aware she’s doing these things, so if a guy notices them he’s going to be clued in,” Maresca-Kramer says. Compliment her efforts, and if you make her blush, even better.

2. Her pupils grow“When a person is emotionally or sexually aroused, the pupil dilates and becomes up to ten times larger,” observes Jena Pincott, author of Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes: The Science Behind Love, Sex, and Attraction. This involuntary action is a sure sign of attraction. “Interestingly, women who prefer ‘bad boys’ have a preference for guys with big pupils too,” Pincott adds.

3. Her lower body likes you
“If she’s sitting with her legs crossed and her top leg is slightly swinging, or if her foot is pointed toward him, she’s attracted,” Maresca-Kramer notes. Mimic her posture by turning your hips toward her to signal that the interest is mutual.

4. Her language style matches yours
If a woman repeats your phrases or uses words similar to yours, she’s flirting. “In one study, couples whose speaking styles were in sync more than average were nearly four times as likely to desire a second date as those that were not,” Pincott says. To increase your chance of seeing her again, repeat one of her quirky phrases later in the conversation.

5. She talks funny
When flirting, women will speak in a higher pitch, and use more “I” and less “we” in their speech, Pincott says. “Both genders convey intended flirtation by laughing more and speaking faster. Men ask more questions when they are flirting.” In all of human history, asking more questions of a woman has never been a bad move.

6. She asks questions
“A lot of guys look at meeting women in the wrong context,” notes Christian Hudson, dating coach and founder of thesocialman.com, a website that teaches men how to be more charismatic. “They look at a woman who is kind of responsive to them and they say, ‘Oh, she’s interested in me.’ What you really want is a woman who is very engaged.” If she’s asking questions, she’s invested in your conversation. Answer her slowly and vaguely to build intrigue.

7. She thinks deeply
Hudson encourages his clients to use this test when trying to determine whether the lady they’ve met is “feeling the same temperature that you are.” Ask an open-ended question such as “If you could travel anywhere in the world tomorrow, where would it be and why?” about 10 minutes into the conversation. “The depth of her answer is going to be a good gauge of how into you she is.”

8.  She’s into your touch
When all else fails, rely on subtle touching. Try “accidentally” touching the back of her hand with your hand, or let your foot brush up against her foot. “If she allows it, that’s a good sign she’s feeling your physical presence and she’s enjoying it,” Hudson says. Note: This is not an invitation to lunge for her breasts…yet. Be subtle, man. Subtle.